Taste and Profit

Epigenetic studies are helping us form concrete answers surrounding the correlation between diet and disease. It is also indirectly exposing the flaws in food production and its effect on food quality. Nutritional value is muddled with business interests and a dash of tocopherols leaving Americans undernourished and confused. Vegetables are harvested early to ripen on their way to the grocery store, diminishing their nutritional potential. Government agencies oversee the production and packaging of foods, classifying chemicals as “generally safe" or grandfathering in others. Consumers try to translate nutritional labels, following the latest diet fads not considering their biochemical individuality, or much of anything outside counting calories. Diet is proving to be one of the most important environmental health factors of our time, but for far greater reasons than looking good in a bikini!

Social interactions, physical activity, diet and other inputs generate signals that travel from cell to cell throughout the body. As in early development, signals from within the body continue to be important for many processes, including physical growth and learning. Even into old age, cells continue to listen for signals. Environmental signals trigger changes in the epigenome, allowing cells to respond dynamically to the outside world. (“Epigenome Learns”, para 6-7).

If science is proving that food changes our genetic expression, it is vital to our species to monitor what we eat. Recipes today are formulated around edible longevity and shelf life as compared to optimizing nutrition. The government has many agencies monitoring all aspects of production, but they are 1/2 cup Safety 1/2 cup Business. They understand what distribution requires. “More than 600 chemicals defined as food additives were already in common use when legislation regulating food additives was passed. To accommodate substances that the FDA or the USDA had already determined to be safe, they were designated as prior-sanctioned substances and are exempt from regulation” (Grosvener & Smolin, 2017, p. 430). There is a second category of unregulated additives called “Generally Regarded as Safe”. However the chemicals on this list are not guaranteed to be safe and can be added or subtracted if new information surfaces about potential dangers, prompting the FDA to take action (Grosvener & Smolin, 2017, p. 430).

The reliance on these chemicals and food additives allows companies the opportunity to create the best taste for the most profit. It also allows for products to be widely available at reasonable prices for both the distributor and for the consumer. So, what’s the problem?

Research is beginning to piece together how these steps to “keep us safe” are actually catalysts for disease and negative health outcomes. “Examples include infertility, endometriosis, early puberty, breast and prostate cancer, thyroid disorders, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, obesity, diabetes, asthma, immune disorders, and more” (“Endocrine Disruptors”, para 6). Consumers are also becoming more aware of how they are being exposed. “Most synthetic endocrine disrupting chemicals are derived from chemicals associated with fossil fuel extraction, processing, and/or burning. These include chemicals used as food additives, pesticides, plastics, dyes and more” (“Endocrine Disruptors”, para 8).

The consequences of excessive exposure to these chemicals are becoming clear, as is the disconnect between consumers and their food. The government is trying to bridge the gap with labels such as Non-GMO and Organic, but the consumer must assume responsibility to manage the health factors that exposure to these toxins can lead to. In order to do this, you must have an understanding of what to look for in your food.

Researchers have found that nutrient-rich foods are the most effective for the prevention of disease because they contain a synergistic blend of nutrients including vitamins, minerals, fiber, fatty acids and other important compounds; in addition, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts/seeds and herbs/spices contain over 800 identified phytonutrients (plant-based nutrients), such as carotenoids and flavonoids. (Mateljan, 2007, “How the World’s”, para 1).

Creating sustainable behavior change in any area of your life is hard, but creating lasting changes in your diet can be especially challenging. There are so many paid promotions and popular weight loss plans on the market, it makes the commitment to eating healthy seem so grand. Yes, change requires commitment and consistency, but I want you to think SMALL.

S - Eat simply and in season. Base your diet around organic, whole foods. Fresh vegetables, juicy fruits, ingredients that don’t run through machines and change form. Foods that are nourished by soils and clean water, not sealed airtight in cardboard.
M - Eat a medley of foods to avoid bioaccumulation and any unknown contaminants. Buy tomatoes from one vendor, lettuce from another. Eat foods of all different colors, textures and tastes that aren’t enhanced with agents likes Yellow#5.
A - Arrange your meals beforehand. Find a time that works for you and meal plan. Prep vegetables right when you get home from the market. Wash, clean, cut and store so you don’t have to when you're hungry. Avoiding temptation and quick fixes will help you avoid endocrine disruptors in sweets or grab and go snacks.
L - Learn about the whole foods you are eating. Educating yourself on the nutritional components of each food will increase incentive to eat it. Learn different ways to best prepare and cook vegetables to maximize flavor. Trust me, you don’t need high fructose corn syrup to make something delicious!
L - Buy local. Scope out Farmer’s Markets in your area. Dig through the local bin at your grocery store if they have one. Not only are you supporting your local economy, you are eating food that was harvested at the right time in its life cycle. The local farmers are not preserving their peppers with wax or sending green tomatoes to ripen in the back of a semi truck!

There is not a lot to be controlled in this world, but SMALL steps create big change. Start with substituting one meal, or picking one of the above to focus on to reduce your exposure. Confidence is a direct reflection of action and action is a direct reflection of motivation. Identifying your motivation may help you see food in a new way. Maybe you are already experiencing ailments that are a consistent with negative nutrition. Maybe you are trying to lose weight and don’t know where to start. Maybe you already have the discipline that most of us yearn for. Whatever it may be, it is yours. Our food is changing the genetics of today's and tomorrow's generation and reducing exposure to these toxins and endocrine disruptors is of the utmost importance.

References

Endocrine Disruption. Retrieved May 8, 2020, from https://endocrinedisruption.org/interactive-tools/endocrine-basics

Grosvenor, M. B., Smolin, L. A. (10/2017). Visualizing Nutrition: Everyday Choices, 4th Edition [VitalSource Bookshelf version].  Retrieved from vbk://9781119395539

Mateljan, G. (2007). The World's Healthiest Foods [VitalSource Bookshelf version].  Retrieved from vbk://9780976918523

The Epigenome Learns from Its Experience. (n.d.). Retrieved May 8, 2020, from https://learn.genetics.utah.edu/content/epigenetics/memory/

When Jupiter Kissed the Moon.

I have this feeling, like when a word is on the tip of your tongue, but you still can’t think of it.

When it’s driving you nuts, but it still doesn’t come to you.

That’s where I am.

I think my creativity is bogged down by abandoned ideas.

Five years ago this May, I moved to Asheville and as I look back, I feel like I sold myself short. I didn’t write as much as I wanted. I didn’t document and now I have all these trips and thoughts levitating, I regret not giving them the roots they deserve.

I spent 5 years confusing sacred and oversharing. In return, I isolated my imagination.

I was hesitant to blog because who wants to be bothered by my baggage, but something has changed my perspective. It is not about how it is perceived, the grammar, or if it is even read at all. It is how I organize and declutter emotions and experiences. It is how I move forward in a complete and inspired way.

I realize now that writing maintains the connection to my past self and all of her ideas. I realize this connection is vital for my growth, it bridges the gap between my anxieties and my intuition.

My intent is to create some inner solace, to remain engaged and to keep the channels open so that my ideas and my energy are no longer in conflict. I have struggled with the notion of unfulfilled potential and I am hoping this may help me fill that void. I have a renewed sense of vision of what I want for myself and it is important to me to honor that goal.

I keep referring back to a Japanese proverb that goes something like, “Insight without action is just a dream. Action without insight is a nightmare.”

So, here is my insight and this is my first act.

Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'

The sound ground I now stand on comes from a slowly built foundation.

The heart I write this with, has shed its skin.

I am entering my next phase of healing and I am longing for conversation.

Exposure.

Understanding.

The past year and a half has been intense to say the least.

It is July and I am 24 weeks pregnant. I have initiated a very difficult, long overdue conversation convincing someone to seek care. After much debate and a few referrals we finally get an appointment scheduled.

Relief rattles my bones. I don’t want this stress on top of having a newborn.

The air crisps, the baby comes and so does the long awaited appointment.

I sit by my phone, impatiently waiting to hear the news.

“Oh, he said nothing is wrong! Stop worrying about me, I am fine! The doctor said so!”

My heart shatters.

Something is not right.

Things get worse and I have no plan.

I never imagined the shift from child to “caretaker” happening alongside the transition from women to mother.

The dam finally breaks in April…A HIPPA form with my name on it.

I desperately try to pump color back into the sunset.

I resent all the time we lost.

If only these doctors read the patient and not the chart, we might not be dependent on this crisis to cause change.

My relentless pursuit barely gets me an appointment with the doctor who doesn’t think anything is wrong.

This will have to do.

I pack my things, strap Harlow to my chest and wait eagerly in his office.

Suddenly, the alarm is sounding.

I watched him scramble to cover up his tracks but I finally had the support I needed, any referral I wanted…he’s ready to help clear the fog.

I am afraid that this experience is all too common.

Doctors dismissing symptoms as they aren’t consistent with statistics. Waiting months for an appointment and then offices not allotting the proper amount of time for a fair assessment.

Patients may leave with a diagnosis and a prescription, but no further resources. They are left to educate themselves on alternative treatments, but most don’t even consider this as their doctors diagnosis is accepted without question.

It takes a lot of courage to sit in an office and surrender to your symptoms. I still wonder if things could be different had they honored the concerns. What if they dug deeper and supported their patient through life changes to try to reverse the symptoms? What if they suggested preventative measures in case there was something they were missing?

I now understand that doctors simply do not have the time to coddle each and every patient. They do not have the training to help them implement specific behavior changes and it is for these reasons that some doctors are beginning to “prescribe” health coaches.

A health coach takes a whole person approach leading a client to motivation. They partner with them to create strategies, actionable steps, goals and accountability. They help clients find the insight to make intuitive behavior changes to better their health.

Witnessing the need for an Integrative Health Coach fueled my motivation to become one. It inspired me to help fill the void that is present in too many peoples care. I have completed training through Duke Integrative Medicine and I am currently continuing my education in pursuit of certification and beyond.

I am teetering between vulnerability and anxiety, but I feel a sense of responsibility to be there for others as they forge a path to better health. I have been fortunate to connect with professionals who have guided me through times of adversity and I am hoping to be that for other women…to help them dust off their map and find their way.

I am looking forward to building authentic connections and to help create positive momentum. I am anticipating the challenge and dedication it will require, but I am open to change and I am excited to honor my potential.

If you are interested in learning more or are ready for a change, let me know! I am currently looking for my first 5 clients to coach for free as I fine tune my skills and complete my certification course!

I love you, always forever - birth story

I am trying so hard to focus on the calming green floral pattern and to take deep breaths of the lavender that’s wafting from it. I feel like a Victorian era lady carrying around a bag of herbs to cover up her scent and it is starting to get nauseating. It’s not working anymore. I finally have enough breath to speak, yelling to Mike to, “Get this thing outta my face!” My body tenses again, I’m hoping gravity takes over but it doesn’t...another breath relieves me and I yell “Okay, it’s time...get the forceps!” Mike busts out into a laugh and I do too, I am reminded I’m still in my body. 

A nurse steps in and shifts my position. She has been with me since I got to the hospital and knows exactly what I need. 

In fact, she told the entire Labor & Delivery unit what I needed before I even arrived. 

Childbirth and pregnancy are unpredictable. There is absolutely no telling what you are in for when you commit to them.

I ventured into them in the best shape of my life, a good state of mind and in a healthy marriage. The pure excitement was exhilarating, the ultimate adventure I thought! So to my surprise, at my first ultrasound when the midwife said, “I hate to bring this up, but we have to talk about it!” I was shocked. 

Just like pregnant women and life experiences, trauma comes in all shapes and sizes. It is unpredictable and there is no telling how it will affect you through your life, no matter how many punctuation marks you have put on that time or event. Whether its previous birth trauma, hospital stays, abuse, sexual assault, pregnancy and labor can be the ultimate trigger. 

She hands me a flyer on the services offered at the hospital that I shove to the back of the folder and I continue on to have a great pregnancy. 

It was not until around 9 months that my anxiety really escalated when I started to see ads for labor robes. 

What was I going to wear to labor? This was something that had not crossed my mind...but as I thought more about it, the pure terror of wearing a hospital gown really set in. 

Wow I thought, that’s not normal, but tried to push it away. 

I started to lay awake at night thinking about ways to not have my baby at the hospital. What if my provider isn’t the one to deliver my baby?! Maybe I should just change providers all together and go to the birth center. 

I was just slow diving back into a riptide that I spent years trying to get out of. 

Finally, when I accepted I needed help, I went deep into the folder and got the pamphlet from my first visit with the midwife. 

Mission Hospital here in Asheville is designated a “Baby Friendly Hospital”, the first in the US, which by the way, is the most dangerous developed country to give birth in! 

To be classified as baby friendly, you must meet extraordinary standards for labor and postpartum care. A (healthy) baby goes directly skin to skin for an undisturbed hour before any type of test or weight is taken. It is protocol to wait 90 seconds before the cord is clamped and cut, if not until it stops pulsing. A baby who is born via C-section goes skin to skin and can be vaginally seeded upon request. They do not wash the vernix from the babies skin, lactation consultants come by your room…etc. 

But most importantly, Mission Hospital offers a program called, Survivor Services. 

Women are encouraged by multiple outlets within the community to utilize Survivor Services for a variety of reasons. You have an initial consultation with a nurse in a labor room and create a birth plan to have on file at the hospital. You discuss possible triggers and how the hospital staff can respect your past trauma while still responsibly caring for you. You state your preferences, your pain management plan, discuss solutions to problems that may arise and why those solutions may be appropriate. 

The goal is to set you up for a birth experience that does not tier your trauma while keeping both you and your baby healthy. 

I set up my appointment hoping it would provide me with some relief knowing that I would not have to advocate for myself in the depths of labor since I chose not to have a doula. 

That my voice would be heard.

The initial consultation was a flood of emotions. The nurse Katie understood, verbalizing all the unexplained fears I was experiencing. Noting that wearing a hospital gown is one of the most noted triggers for many women. 

She was able to help me explain my anxieties to Mike in a coherent way and she was able to suggest ways for him to help in the depths of my labor outside of normal partner support. 

Techniques taught both in a labor class and by her about utilizing code words if something was getting to be too much or someone was making me feel uncomfortable. 

Just the exercise of sitting in the hospital helped level my senses. 

So, three weeks later and two weeks before my due date, I am back at Mission Hospital slumped over a check-in desk, soaked in amniotic fluid, trying to spell my last name. 

There is only one labor and delivery room left and a few patients ahead of me all being examined before the room is assigned. 

My contractions are intense and around 3 minutes apart. They send us down the hallway to wait in this room and my heart starts to sink.

This is where my experience is about to change.

I’ve spent the entire day at home in the shower, trying to cope with back labor and limit my chances of unwanted interventions, all to be sent to a waiting room! 

I look to Mike, about to be so upset when I hear someone yell, “Ashley!” It was the nurse Katie who happened to be working in outpatient that afternoon...she whisks us away to the last available room. 

Transitional labor pretty much set in the second I got into my room and the nurses were running around trying to get everything set up. Everything was happening so fast. 

I got in the shower and Mike began filling the whirlpool. I remember a nurse yelling, “Someone needs to check her, get her on a monitor!” when another nurse stepped in. She had reviewed my birth plan on file and slowed everyone’s roll. 

In a matter of two seconds she refocused the energy in the room. 

She communicated with me and with the other nurse. It was obvious this baby was coming fast, but not so fast that everything had to happen without informed consent. 

She told the other nurse to make sure the midwife was on the way and that we would be waiting for her until I was to be examined, something noted in my plan. 

I thanked her but had to know how far along I was, granting her permission to check my dilation. 

7 centimeters. 

At this point, Katie was able to switch from outpatient to be in the room with us. She instructs another nurse to call the midwife again, she needs to get there as soon as possible. 

Mike helps me move about the room with monitors that allowed me to get into the tub. It was important that I was not connected to the bed unless I had to be. When the monitors started to feel suffocating, they removed them completely and brought them to me on regular intervals. 

The midwife arrives, scrubbed up and everyone leaves but her, Katie and Mike. 

With Mike’s hand in mine, our baby worked her way here. 

As much as I yelled, “Get this baby out of me!” everyone stayed calm and present!! 

After a few minutes I was overcome with the purest form of joy and that is a baby exiting your body and being placed on your chest! We were so moved by the moment we forgot to even see if it was a boy or a girl! 

Medically speaking I was extremely lucky that I had such a great pregnancy and quick labor, but emotionally, I am luckier that I had professional support at such a vulnerable time. 

Connecting with this program and the two nurses who created it, has been one of the greatest honors of my life. 

Making it their mission to help women of all walks of life to feel safe and strong. Continuing to grow this program and advocate for women and their partners who don’t know they have rights. 

They are now working to help teach other hospitals how to start programs like this one, with the hopes maybe one day ALL women will have the option to sit down with a nurse to talk about their preferences, their fears and how they can be supported through their labors. 

Trying to conceive, grow, birth, deliver, adopt and raise humans is exhausting and there needs to be more awareness and accessible perinatal support for individuals and families. 

In light of the MeToo movement, I think we can all agree there needs to be endless education on trauma informed birth. 

There needs to be more conversations about prenatal anxiety.  

There honestly just needs to be a shift within our society. 

There is so much unnecessary judgment these days, conversations about postpartum anxiety and depression are often overshadowed by oversharing physical journeys back to pre-baby bodies.

“It takes a village” is such a popular phrase, but some of us don’t have villages where we live! 

Some of these services may be more available than I think they are, but either way I am so grateful that we were able to utilize them for peace of mind. 

I want to be clear that I am in a good place, but I just wish someone would have mentioned this to me prior to my own pregnancy. I feel a sense of responsibility to start a conversation so that others are not surprised as I was.

I suggest researching your providers, hospitals or birth centers. Determine what is important to you, with the full understanding there is no guarantee anything will go the way you want it to! Just being educated about your options is empowering.

No one way of birth is better than the other, so never feel ashamed or put too much pressure on yourself to get a human out of your body in a certain way. 

Being there to support someone or asking for help at any point in your life is the greatest gift you can give yourself or someone else!

It has taken me a long time to come around to sharing this because I don’t want congratulations or apologies. People have endured far worse than myself and women have been giving birth for literally ever! I just hope to bring awareness to at least one person that pregnancy and labor are/can be as intense emotionally as it is physical and that women need just as much support through their perinatal journey as they do through those sleepless nights!

Just be glad to be here.

If my creativity is lost, what am I accomplishing?

My heart is full, but my soul is drained.

Feelings like these follow big adventures.

I find myself coming back to this place when responsibility puts a wedge in the whirlwind, and life settles down for awhile. 
It's been a year since my backpack and I have been on the go together and little did we know when we left for Asheville how fast the plan would change. Time has flown by. Between trips North for weddings and the consuming nature of working two jobs, I found myself saving in the fall for a road trip across the country, and saving in the winter for a sailing trip through the British Virgin Islands. Now I am back to all black frumpy waitressing clothes, reminiscing and just wondering....

In a city that fosters imagination and art, how is it possible that I can't find the time to make any?

Every dream takes a different amount of time to achieve, and the inspiration of my person is lost in someone else's.

At some point it is important to admit frustration. Whether it be with patterns, habits, or the simple fact that every once in awhile your life and your wallet must recalibrate.

How do you continue to seek inspiration when schedules are against you? Where do you turn, when you wish you were always readjusting your compass?

Living is the adventure, learning is the key, traveling is knowledge, and patience is time.

There is nothing more valuable then sitting and thinking of it all, right here, right now. If it weren't for now, I wouldn't be able to share what was. The prints of my fingers have touched the most beautiful sand and the fishes of the clearest waters have welcomed me into their homes. My mind wanders and my body wishes to follow, but once again I must remind myself that there is nothing more beautiful than now. The ability to take a seat and reflect is almost harder than getting up and going.

It's more valuable to think than to live and it's more important to live than to overthink.

Productivity is important, but art is not forced. Stress is inevitable and love is a gift

As 11 months lingers I think of who I am now. Proud, happy and longing of time to be my creative self.

As 11 months lingers, I send admiration for the old Ashley. A comfortable one, a powerful one. I think highly of her.

As 11 months in Asheville lingers, I concentrate on the patience of the sun and the moon. They spend their days working, knowing there is no break, no downtime. Day after day they preform the same task, yet manage to inspire creativity. This is what I must do, and respect that it might not be the project I dreamt about last night. That right now, it's not about me, it's about the foundations of who I am and what I intend to accomplish.

I must find comfort that I will once again sit for hours and hours covered in glue, bouncing ideas around and transforming a piece of blank wood. But for now, and probably for another now, it is okay to take some pressure off myself and just be. Do my day to day tasks in appreciation that the sum of the past year is the most creative I've been.

I watched the sunrise and sunset today. There isn't much a of a moon yet this time of evening, but it is somewhere out there...probably drinking a cup of coffee in preparation for its night shift.

The calm of this early evening reassures me that I am in a good place. The chaos of my life won't conquer my creativity forever and that in this moment I am confident in the Ashley that I am.

I said, "I just robbed you are you dumb?"

Yesterday, on my drive down to Asheville, I was like a million different Ashley's. I was a nervous Ashley, an excited one, a fearful one, one thinking of turning around and one that made really great time. I sang loudly and I would wipe away a tear or two every once in a while...I would think, "What did I get myself into?!" and then thank myself for doing it. 

I got to the hostel and the manager seems nice. I left all my stuff in the car and set out to have lunch and take care of logistics. I need a place to park and I need to scope out places to work. I walk around the city slowly remembering my way around from my last visit. 

I remember my way to the library to print of some resumes and I get my parking permit. I know Meagan gets off work in a little bit and I just can't contain my excitement! 

I wait for her outside a yoga studio, making a mental note to check their schedule. I see her walking down the street and she signals me to be quiet, Sage doesn't know I am here.

They continue walking down the street and Sage's vision is blocked a little by the sun. Their hands break apart as Sage moves to the left for the figure coming her way to pass by. She looks as she passes and it takes her a second. She says my name kind of under her breath, like I know you, but you are not supposed to be here. She instantaneously starts repeating my name and we embrace into a joyous hug. I can't help but shed tears as I give my sister a hug. She has a little tear and we both watch Sage rejoice! I am flattered by her excitement and I am in awe of her growth. Baby Sage, now replies to that nickname by correcting you, "I am not a baby, I'm a little girl!" That she is. 
​
We end up walking around stopping at a brewery and going back to their place for pizza. It felt so good to feel remnants of home on a day of change.

The next morning on the way to school, Sage asks if I am sad, she saw a drip from my eye. "I'm not sad today Sage, I'm excited!" 

I walk around all day applying and applying and applying to jobs. It feels like a task, but there are so many different people at all these restaurants, I like the prospect of meeting them. I am due to work at the hostel at four, so I really try to take advantage of the day. Trader Joe's and jobs today, art tomorrow.

(I got the cutest aloe plant to liven up my pod from Trader Joe's.)

I get to the hostel and it's crazy weird. The girl I am working with is seriously like the same person I shared a studio with in college. Her name is Jade, but I keep wanting to call her PJ. The evening starts kind of slow and I get caught in a freak out mindset. What have I done?! Stopping my life and income to move to a hostel. I left my friends, family, privacy to live in place with different people every night. I am sitting at the desk stressing about my jobless, art studio-less life and my heart just kind of sinks. I didn't think this through. 

Somehow the subject gets back to my aloe plant. PJ, I mean Jade, and I are talking about how I will have to move it around so it can get the sun and then I thought about how it will soon need to be in a bigger pot and it made me think about my life at that moment. 
​
This plant is me. I grew out of my planter and now I am in search of a bigger one. I need to keep moving my way around this city to find the elements I need to maintain my growth. I need a job, an art space and the audacity to keep going. I have no idea what I want. I have some events scheduled this summer I will not compromise, but I won't just give up and go home empty handed. For that would only leave me empty hearted and no amount of miracle grow can fix that.

Today, I fell in love with Asheville and this weird opportunity. I was hesitant at first, thinking it's too small, it's too small, but I think it's just right. The hostel is cool and I am catching on to my duties. I dropped a girl from Australia off at the Pisgah National forest for a retreat this morning and I winded down back roads in the sunlight, gazing at beautiful healthy trees. The air was fresh and my friend sent me encouragement through the telephone. I biked my way to the local grocery store (owned by Whole Foods.........) and just felt a sense of excitement.

I took off my helmet and as I was locking my bike up to the post, a car drove past blaring The Low Life, a band that makes me think of home. It is a sign, I am home for a little while. 

I don't know how long I will be here, or what I even want from this experience. But I am happy to report I got a job (if I pass my background check...) and I found a nice little place to make some art today. It's all coming together, I just need to trust in time. 
​
Hope all is well!